The Invisible Culture of Parenting
A French mother and a U.S. American mother are sitting in the playground parallel to one another. They both send their children off to play and they both give their children love when they come back crying after taking a fall. This is where their paths and those of their children go in different directions.
The French woman gives her child a kiss and some comfort and then scolds the child saying, “I told you to be careful. Now stay close to me and don’t get hurt.” The American mother gives a kiss and some comfort and then says, “Go on. Have fun. You can do it.”
This story can be found in the work of the French Psychoanalyst Pascal Baudry who discusses fundamental differences in French and U.S. American cultures from a psychoanalytic perspective. He says this example reveals a lot about how we develop our values. The French mother encourages group membership and closeness by resolving the problem with the solution of staying closer and not taking risks. The U.S. American mother encourages individuality with the resolution of going back out there and trying again.
Having grown up in the U.S. I often heard, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” The U.S. American child is rewarded for taking risks, learning through mistakes and gaining independence at an early age. The French child is rewarded for being cautious, avoiding mistakes and staying close to the group.
Such values carry over into the workplace where I have heard more than one French person complain about U.S. American’s tendency to act too quickly. “If only they would take the time to do it right the first time, we wouldn’t have to spend all of this time correcting their mistakes.” The U.S. American sees those mistakes as natural parts of the process that encourage innovation, creative thinking and responsive problem solving. Meanwhile, the U.S. American complains that when working with their French colleagues, there is too much time spent talking and not enough time acting.
In the end they both get to the same place at the same time, they just do it differently. So who is right and who is wrong? Global Leaders recognize and embrace such differences as natural parts of a person’s upbringing and how we learn culture. They suspend judgment in order to recognize, adapt and leverage the similarities and differences into strengths not weaknesses. Consider a global team that has planners and risk takers and imagine the possibilities.